Celebrate

Here I am asked to blog something magnificent. Erica, you know I loathe blogging. She says I’m good at it, and need to continue just posting what I consider to be useless babble so I will talk for the sake of talking. I think my last text from Erica was something like….’Your ass better blog tomorrow!’ I may have elaborated a teensy bit, but if that isn’t the verbage – it was certainly the interpretation. So dammit, Erica… I’m just TYPING thoughts out loud. You better be happy! (and off my back).

Alright — so, class………… tonight I’m going to talk about something near and dear to where I am in my life.  I’ve contemplated blogging and talking about this topic for a while since the best resolution often times is NOT to put yourself on the line, out there – instead to remain elusive and neutral about most thoughts. I’ve seen a few people completely destroy themselves professionally and personally with their blogs and yapping, so I’ve taken the stance that I would love to just let my photos speak and they can in turn, become interpretive art. You decide what you think I need, psychiatrist, another photographer, grammar police – what does my art mean?You decide instead of me laying it out for you. I felt most comfortable in that spot. But I certainly understand that the most growth comes from destroying your ‘comforts’ whatever they may be. Sooooo….. here’s to breaking my own traditions.

I close my eyes at the risk of tomatoes being thrown my way. Women. That’s right. Women.

I say this and I grimace knowing this could be a controversial topic to some, to some just words and to others who perhaps have similar thoughts, eye opening.

I say ‘Women’ and instantly I see the Rush Limbaugh’s of the world laughing in their smug little worlds of egotistical opinions to ensure that ‘Women’ really aren’t supposed to be STRONG (and soft, and loving, and warm) because if they are they are – Um, well a myriad of negative connotations come to mind- class, help me come up with some adjectives that women over the years have been subjected to be called for having strength, a position in this world, a voice, an opinion, a profession, a brain, and still yet – a gentle, caring sensitive nature. I think the names we’ve been called, and even sometimes use ourselves at times are plenty explanatory enough not to have to elaborate on the words. My primary thoughts on being an advocate for the long lost art of women-ing is that there are plenty of successful people (men and women alike) who attempt to spread the word in a subtle way at times that women are still to this day living in a guy’s world – I’m afraid that this has somewhat rubbed off on women themselves. This in turn, is responsible culturally for women being inadvertently and sometimes advertently combative with one another. I’m sure being called a feminist and a lesbian isn’t too far out of the ordinary when women are aiming to destroy another woman,  somewhere along our society we WOMEN have lost WOMEN.  You know, the competitive snarkiness that happens to female relationships instead of an embracing culture of teaching and acceptance. If you think for a second you can most likely associate with this example, either you are the mean girl that does this or you have a friend that does it, or you’ve had it happen to you. Let’s see if this is familiar……

Just imagine for a second:  Christmas Party social. You have been preparing and looking so forward to hanging out with all your ‘busy girlfriends’ who never really seem to have time for each other -looking forward to a great time catching up – not just your “Facebook” friends, but your real friends! Yeah, remember those? You’ve spent over a month looking for the best dress you could find and afford, you’ve starved yourself the past few weeks hoping the seam wouldn’t rip when you dropped your little biscuit covered sausages on the floor, your feet are killing you because FACE IT, those shoes are BEAUTIFUL but miserable daggered weapons which should only be used to throw at elk or antelope that somehow may be used to keep your village alive. You feel good. Your hair actually is smooth and shiny, no fly-aways minus the scare you had earlier with the humidity police. You’re looking good, and despite knowing  you will be inviting yourself into the viper pit of girl-judging, you go for it and hold your head up high. As you approach the party, all parking spaces are completely filled and you end up on the far corner of the grass (and it of course rained sheets the past few days so the earth is nice and pliable) you get out of the car and those beautiful (expensive)war time weapons plunge straight down into softened dirt that has been awaiting on….. Oh, say, an ant to indent it’s perfect horizon. Peachy! This is turning into JUST the beginning you  had hoped for as you cough to yourself saying ‘BULLSHIT’ under your breath. Suck it up! Months! Months of preparation for this thing, not a big deal you have to keep reminding yourself.  You make your trek to the party, which feels like well over a football field’s distance and the sweat is beading itself on your forehead, your heels are tarnished in a beautiful color of the real mud brown and not some Sherwin Williams version, but the real damn thing. You get to the door and grab the handle, then release, you repeat this cycle a couple times while trying to regain your composure. You step back for a minute catching your reflection in a side door image. Wow! That mud is all over those heels, you begin scraping the remnants off onto a concrete step nearby. Not only is this scratching the piss out of your heels, but it has become a mini work out and you are working up a serious sweat at this rate. You smooth out your dress and take a deep breath. Ok, here goes. Take a deep breath. Open door. The party is pretty happening and there seems to be a lot of people that actually showed instead of RSVP’d and back out, like those jokers always somehow do. Good. Deep breath. This isn’t so bad, You’re glad you decided to come and not back out in the mud pit of a parking job.  Oh hey! Not sure if that is Danielle’s old boyfriend you just waved to, but you carry on regardless. You wave to a few more acquaintances you may or may not know and twist your head to and fro to find your group of sisterhood friends… you see them from afar and wave hysterically. Woops, your ankle rolls because no matter how well you prepared for this thing – practicing walking in those things was not on your agenda and that would have been too beneficial to not looking like the clutz you feel. They laugh. You proceed to clumsily make your way towards them. You spot Avery and she winks at you. Somehow a wink always has a way of being cool enough to say just what it needs to. Lizzy roll her eyes and whisper something in Christy’s ear. They both begin to laugh. They then continue to whisper as if one atrocity you’ve created somehow fueled further sagas of none other than thassright, YOU!  Are they laughing at you? Seriously? Like catty and not like ha-ha? Your friends? As you get closer, you can see the pit – all 5 of them eyeing you UP and DOWN. Not UP and DOWN to compliment you on the sincere awesomeness at shopping and picking out a dress that was by far the most phenomenal they’ve ever seen you in and possibly ever will.. but NO, they are being MEAN GIRLS and looking for what is wrong with you —–instead of what is right with you. I thought the wink, ya know, the wink meant I was not on the chopping block.  Instantly, your self esteem takes a plunge and all the preparation and excitement you had once put into that night just got pushed aside for my new best friend for the evening. Everyone meet my newest friend – self doubt.

This is what I mean- not only allowing other people to put us into cute little compartments about what we are supposed to be, but even those closest to us – our friends, our reflections of ideas, goals, hopes, thoughts, ben and jerry’s sharers, and the best hugs on earth when you need them – can destroy an image you have of yourself. Now, I realize ultimately YOU are responsible for your strength and if you love yourself then you are supposed to form a super- hero force field where words and hurt feelings bounce right off your chest. The truth is, we all have an innate desire to fit in with our groups. If you take us back to our purest, most primitive mammalian self – we are social creatures, we flourish in the environments of being with a group of other mammals. It’s not natural to be isolated and ridiculed.  To be liked and to be given sustenance to grow beautifully into the budding flowers we were meant to be is what we are all capable of:  giving – and receiving -not only do we ourselves HOPE this is what happens in our lives, but now a days the women who’ve actually been fortunate enough to have better female relationships are the ones that seem to have better groundings, about themselves and about other women.  I know, I must have my head in the clouds. I’m in fantasy-land, this is the ‘world we live in today.’ Not necessarily so.  Does it really have to be the world we live in today? And if it is, are you ‘OK’ with that? The sincerest point I’m trying to enforce is: female bonds and relationships with other women. Being a woman of the tribe is based on what you do and how that affects your ‘tribe’ what the brings (cause and effect)your gift to life and to others. Be a teacher and help a woman’s growth. Be conscious of the woman you are and the woman you can be. It doesn’t have to come down to competitive cattiness just for male companionship? Face it, isn’t that really what women are being so awful to other women for? Male attention?  Some anthropologists may argue that this is ‘survival of the fittest’ and passing our genes on to the strongest contenders. Our world is already over populated, so I say calm down, it’s really not necessary any longer-the biological need to reproduce at any cost is no longer the human factor, but a chosen factor to become ‘dominant’ in any way we are able to. Sometimes we feel suppressed in certain areas of our lives so we lash out and what we feel is inferior, sometimes another woman. We have done a fine job at intently overpopulating the world, and plenty of women are putting off having families and perhaps don’t even want children. Men have by far realized this in their own social circles…..haven’t you heard ‘Bro’s not Ho’s'?… I say that w a grain of salt b/c it’s FUNNY – the simple fact we are expendable makes me question why women don’t adopt the same philosophies? Why do we feel so content on ‘winning’ that we sacrifice other women along the way? Out of sight, out of mind?  Is it desire implanted deeply in our reproductive codes? Not necessarily so says other cultures or tribes– but what we’ve,  our current society has evolved into. What has become of female alliances…..and what have we just let slip away? Will it become our norm to vehemently despise other women……just because you CAN because it somehow makes you feel slightly dominant for a few moments in time? Is it engrained in us? I don’t believe so, it’s learned and fostered behavior.  I say that is the self serving mentality that women have come to embrace, and the wrong route. It is a temporary fulfillment. Our culture is so quick-served that very rarely are we thinking about our imprint on the future of our gender.

I’m not in college learning women’s studies, although I may have better quotes and lots of historical references if I were taking classes, but I’m just a simple participant and observer in life. These are my own personal opinions and I really hope will women to come back to women. When I say that I think of the Native Americans or the Aboriginal cultures that nurtured women and helped them bud into flowers. These cultures, somehow knew that all people -men AND women had gifts and brought something wonderful to their tribe. This made their tribe, their societies, their offsprings FLOURISH. They knew the embracing of the ‘here-and-now’ mentality was detrimental, but they were intent on securing their future generations. They embellished who they were and instead of tearing apart who they weren’t. They could bloom into what they were really meant to be. What happened as a result was freedom—- freedom to be who you really wanted to be or who you could actually be instead of a societal norm that forced you into a title or an achievement. The book that I just finished was really amazing and while I won’t ruin the literature  I have to say one of the most prominent chapters of the book – one of the single most freeing part of the book for me was the author didn’t look into a mirror for months because she went on a walk -about with the aborigines and she was no longer the image she saw looking back at her in a mirror. She know longer was a reflection of what her peers perceived her to be, she wasn’t known by what she had nor the education she completed or by the Chanel and Gucci name tags she garnished, she was instead known for her gifts to the tribe, her ability to be a person not an image. The things we worry about in our society -what we are competing for – were no longer an issue for Marlo. The things that did become important were:  survival,food, water (they were in the desert for chrissake and water was an issue), her being in touch with the Universe, her higher self, the others in her ‘tribe’. She actually realized her every action not just affected HER, but also affected her tribe, and her future generations. These are the very basic things of how we were intended to live our lives-nurture one another, grow to your best ability and hopefully you are planted in the right environment of healthy soil to become a nurturing woman. I can only hope to plant an awareness that this is what you leave for your print on future generations.  It is our biology and physical make up, as women, to hold life and embrace it, that is after all what a uterus what intended for – if not for an actual child, then for the growth of those around you. Please just remember to nurture the women around you, even if they are strong they still need to be reminded they are important, and loved, and a necessity in your life. There is a pivotal moment in your life where you ‘get it’ you realize your role in the lives of those you touch. Personally, I’ve had women do some really terrible things to me with no regard to another life, nor my family but their own personal vested interest. I can say these things from a sincere vantage point. As a result I now, if I didn’t before -am even more aware of my participation in feelings I’ve created and words I’ve spoken— Impressions I’ve left.  What impressions will you be leaving? If you consider where we are as women and how dissect one another then what does that leave our future female generations? Given the complexities of how fast our society seems to be moving more and more away from one another and more towards technology, it doesn’t look that promising.

This whole topic inspired my reason for wanting to do a ‘Celebrate’ Series. My first participants were women but this isn’t the entire concept of the ‘Celebrate’ Series. I wanted to celebrate relationships, this just so happened to be my first series and wanted to explain my passion about nurturing our future generation of women. Holding in our very hands civilization of successful women (and when I say ‘successful, I don’t necessarily mean a CEO of a company nor the Secretary of State – who cares about that? It’s just a label)who have a sincere hand in the state of our affairs and future fossils of women.  These women for my study are very spiritual, evolved women and I was so excited to capture them for the series. I was really proud to do this as my first in the set as it just seemed to curtail what I felt like is a big deal in my thoughts right now. If you pay attention to the photos,  there are hidden meanings (and maybe pretty blatant) definitions for roles we play and hopefully you can sense that as you view them. For me, I love some of the playfulness of being young and carefree-unafraid to play and laugh with one another. For a few, the chains are still notating we have still confines of the world to conquer as well as the globe bearing the weight of the world on your shoulder at times. The quilts on the line outside blowing in the breeze and the luggage as you are well on your way to be whatever you can be. I certainly don’t want to nor mean to take away what men go through and the issues they have as their own struggles. I personally am a woman so can speak fluidly about how I feel about women and something I’ve notated as destructive to our gender.  I have a few more ‘Celebrate’ sessions I am going to be covering in the new few months. If you have something you are wanting to ‘Celebrate’ and share, I would love to work with you and give you a voice with your images – why you feel strongly about the reason to CELEBRATE this relationship in your life.  Enjoy!!!  I’ve blogged so much for this post that hopefully Erica will let me off the hook for future blogging!Tallyho friends. xo